Little Angry DollTV Chefs - The Good, The Bland and The Ugly
November 15th 2006 09:56
Yes - another list
The Good.
1. The Iron Chefs
What’s better – the theme ingredient, the dubbing or Chairman Kaga’s wardrobe? Who is your favorite Iron Chef? My ultimate Iron Chef is Hiroyuki Sakai, the foie gras fiend. Soccer Dad favoures Chen, the Sichuan Sage. We started holding Iron Chef dinner paries when the show first aired on SBS and now, three years later, Saturday night at our house is a regular for friends and family. My sister does a mean commantry. Iron Chef has to be one of the best shows I’ve ever seen, and I’m just sorry I didn’t mention it on “Best Show Ever” post. This show has it all.
2. Floyd
We love Floyd. We love watching him stagger and slur his way through each show. Accidentally pouring wine into a dish then taking a swig of the brandy he intended to use. The suspense of waiting for Floyd to either keel over or flambé himself. “Keep away from the naked flame, Floyd!” Soccer Dad tries to warn him. Some of Floyds quotes are hysterical too – “You should always have a bottle of wine when cooking, and sometimes use it to cook with”. In November 2004, Floyd lost his drivers license for being three and a half times over the limit. And sadly, it looks as if the years of alcohol are taking their toll. Reports are in that he was nearly incoherent during a recent interview.
3. Two Fat Ladies
"Take a pound of duck liver, a pound of pork mince, a pound of diced steak, a pound of butter, wrap it in bacon, smear it with goose fat and gently simmer in butter and cream.” Jennifer Paterson and Clarissa Dickson Wright cycling around the British countryside, leaving a trail of cholesterol and impending heart disease in their wake. Watching Jennifer digging her bling laden red claws into the food was the best part of this show – sad she is no longer with us, but really, who isn’t surprised she didn’t croak earlier than 71. I also adore the incidental banter, launching into Tennyson or Shakespeare. And watching them eyeing off the meat while it’s still walking.
4. Geoff Jansz
Geoff is the ultimate nice guy in the celebrity chef circuit. He’s cooking is simple and straightforward, like so many out there. But what puts Geoff head and shoulders above the posers is the down to earth charm he brings to his show. A charm others can only emulate, and rarely pull off. He views recipes as a starting point only, from where one can build on an idea and create their own version of a meal, to hand down in family traditions. I also believe Geoff had an over the limit incident once – on a bike.
5. Bender
When worlds collide – our two favorite shows came together with Futurama and Iron Chef. Bender challenged Futurama celebrity chef Elzar to an Iron Cook Battle in Kitchen Coliseum. The theme ingredient was Soylant Green. Futurama got Iron Chef down pat, complete with the commentary.
Hiroki: Aki, what’s Elzar making?
Aki: Well, Hiroki-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.
And Bender won – with the help of a secret ingredient. LSD.
Image from Wikipedia
The Bland
1. Jamie Oliver
I can’t stand Jamie Oliver. In fact, I can’t even go on writing about him. Puck Off, Arse Clown.
2. Ian "Heuy" Hewitson
I know when Heuy is on because Soccer Dad starts yelling at the TV. “I’m making leak and chicken soup. I’m using leak, but you can use anything.” Now while I love Geoff Jansz’s attitude, you have to draw the line somewhere. Heuy’s food is nothing more than an adventure into the Bi-Lo boring aisle. But what we hate the most is Heuy’s use of his trusty tea towel. The towel spends most of the show firmly wedged down Heuy’s backside. Then he pulls it out to “tidy up” the plate with, his bum crack sweat. “Why don’t you just throw the ingredients into your pants and go for a jog!!!” Soccer Dad yells.
2. Bill Granger
Australia’s Jamie Oliver. Bill Granger makes a sandwich. Bill Granger BBQ’s prawns. Bill Granger uses nice crockery. Bill Granger smiles a lot. Bill Granger tosses a salad. Honestly, a hat stand with a blond wig and an alarmingly camp shirt could cover for Bill while he’s off having his teeth whitened.
The Ugly
1. Beverly
Cooking Cleverly With Beverly was a community access programme that ran on Channel 31 several years ago. Vegan Cooking. We caught it once. Now the gimmick was that Beverly didn’t exist, but that didn’t make the show anymore watchable than the vegan cooking did. Beverly’s assistant was the real “chef”, boiling free range potatoes from what looked like a filthy share house kitchen. At the end of the show, she treated her vegan friends – one of whom looked suspiciously like Jay from Frenzal Rhomb – to her “feast”. Eerily emaciated and grinning manically, the vegans failed to convey the true taste of the food, but looked like they were just happy to get a meal out of a kitchen rather than a dumpster. And I use the word “kitchen” with trepidation
2. Community Access Possum Guy
Another gem from Channel 31. Covered in Long Bay tats and complete with missing teeth, we watched this guy cook Possum, with a sick fascination. Way past creepy. You got the feeling possum was something he regularly treated backpackers to by the campfire, all alone. With his twelve gauge. So very ugly.
Tell me all about your favourite TV culinary viewing. The Good, The Bland and the Ugly!
The Good.
1. The Iron Chefs
What’s better – the theme ingredient, the dubbing or Chairman Kaga’s wardrobe? Who is your favorite Iron Chef? My ultimate Iron Chef is Hiroyuki Sakai, the foie gras fiend. Soccer Dad favoures Chen, the Sichuan Sage. We started holding Iron Chef dinner paries when the show first aired on SBS and now, three years later, Saturday night at our house is a regular for friends and family. My sister does a mean commantry. Iron Chef has to be one of the best shows I’ve ever seen, and I’m just sorry I didn’t mention it on “Best Show Ever” post. This show has it all.
2. Floyd
We love Floyd. We love watching him stagger and slur his way through each show. Accidentally pouring wine into a dish then taking a swig of the brandy he intended to use. The suspense of waiting for Floyd to either keel over or flambé himself. “Keep away from the naked flame, Floyd!” Soccer Dad tries to warn him. Some of Floyds quotes are hysterical too – “You should always have a bottle of wine when cooking, and sometimes use it to cook with”. In November 2004, Floyd lost his drivers license for being three and a half times over the limit. And sadly, it looks as if the years of alcohol are taking their toll. Reports are in that he was nearly incoherent during a recent interview.
3. Two Fat Ladies
"Take a pound of duck liver, a pound of pork mince, a pound of diced steak, a pound of butter, wrap it in bacon, smear it with goose fat and gently simmer in butter and cream.” Jennifer Paterson and Clarissa Dickson Wright cycling around the British countryside, leaving a trail of cholesterol and impending heart disease in their wake. Watching Jennifer digging her bling laden red claws into the food was the best part of this show – sad she is no longer with us, but really, who isn’t surprised she didn’t croak earlier than 71. I also adore the incidental banter, launching into Tennyson or Shakespeare. And watching them eyeing off the meat while it’s still walking.
4. Geoff Jansz
Geoff is the ultimate nice guy in the celebrity chef circuit. He’s cooking is simple and straightforward, like so many out there. But what puts Geoff head and shoulders above the posers is the down to earth charm he brings to his show. A charm others can only emulate, and rarely pull off. He views recipes as a starting point only, from where one can build on an idea and create their own version of a meal, to hand down in family traditions. I also believe Geoff had an over the limit incident once – on a bike.
5. Bender
When worlds collide – our two favorite shows came together with Futurama and Iron Chef. Bender challenged Futurama celebrity chef Elzar to an Iron Cook Battle in Kitchen Coliseum. The theme ingredient was Soylant Green. Futurama got Iron Chef down pat, complete with the commentary.
Hiroki: Aki, what’s Elzar making?
Aki: Well, Hiroki-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.
And Bender won – with the help of a secret ingredient. LSD.
Image from Wikipedia
The Bland
1. Jamie Oliver
I can’t stand Jamie Oliver. In fact, I can’t even go on writing about him. Puck Off, Arse Clown.
2. Ian "Heuy" Hewitson
I know when Heuy is on because Soccer Dad starts yelling at the TV. “I’m making leak and chicken soup. I’m using leak, but you can use anything.” Now while I love Geoff Jansz’s attitude, you have to draw the line somewhere. Heuy’s food is nothing more than an adventure into the Bi-Lo boring aisle. But what we hate the most is Heuy’s use of his trusty tea towel. The towel spends most of the show firmly wedged down Heuy’s backside. Then he pulls it out to “tidy up” the plate with, his bum crack sweat. “Why don’t you just throw the ingredients into your pants and go for a jog!!!” Soccer Dad yells.
2. Bill Granger
Australia’s Jamie Oliver. Bill Granger makes a sandwich. Bill Granger BBQ’s prawns. Bill Granger uses nice crockery. Bill Granger smiles a lot. Bill Granger tosses a salad. Honestly, a hat stand with a blond wig and an alarmingly camp shirt could cover for Bill while he’s off having his teeth whitened.
The Ugly
1. Beverly
Cooking Cleverly With Beverly was a community access programme that ran on Channel 31 several years ago. Vegan Cooking. We caught it once. Now the gimmick was that Beverly didn’t exist, but that didn’t make the show anymore watchable than the vegan cooking did. Beverly’s assistant was the real “chef”, boiling free range potatoes from what looked like a filthy share house kitchen. At the end of the show, she treated her vegan friends – one of whom looked suspiciously like Jay from Frenzal Rhomb – to her “feast”. Eerily emaciated and grinning manically, the vegans failed to convey the true taste of the food, but looked like they were just happy to get a meal out of a kitchen rather than a dumpster. And I use the word “kitchen” with trepidation
2. Community Access Possum Guy
Another gem from Channel 31. Covered in Long Bay tats and complete with missing teeth, we watched this guy cook Possum, with a sick fascination. Way past creepy. You got the feeling possum was something he regularly treated backpackers to by the campfire, all alone. With his twelve gauge. So very ugly.
Don't I look Yum!
Tell me all about your favourite TV culinary viewing. The Good, The Bland and the Ugly!
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Comment by JoshZ
Comment by Little Angry Doll
Falling Haiku Leaf
Inner West Life
One thing springs to mind. Bender can't be a Globe Trotter. He knows in his heart he isn't funky enough.
Comment by Nina
"I found some rocks! You guys eat rocks, right?"
I totally agree about The Bland as well. Jamie Oliver needs to learn that profanity and hissy fits do not an interesting chef make. Huey's show runs like a BiLo infomercial, and Bill Granger is bland, while also being sort of creepy.
Comment by Little Angry Doll
Falling Haiku Leaf
Inner West Life
And yes - isn't he creepy. I think he's in denial about his shirts.
Comment by Andrea
V8 Supercar Pitstop
I'm still giggling at your portrayal of Iain (Huey) Hewitson. How hilarious was that, and sooo true.
For my money, Geoff Jansz is definitely the best and, damn, he has so much hair!
I used to enjoy an English cooking show on the ABC where three chefs would have a 'cook-off' against one another to find out who could make the best starter, main and dessert each show. They were rated by three tasters who'd then decide which dish won. Can't remember what its called.
Great post
A.H.
Comment by Stuart
Mediated
I'm a bit surprised you're not a fan of Jamie, I'm quite partial to his stuff, made it from the ground up on a whim, quite different to the rest where a director was looking for talent and Hewey happened to make him lunch
Comment by Judy
Ex-Hostie
Comment by Little Angry Doll
Falling Haiku Leaf
Inner West Life
We love Geoff - but could do without the cheesy tuna promos
Stuart
I can't even bring myself to write about Jamie. It could lead to a cleansing
Judy
You don't like the dubbing? That's one of my fav parts! I especially love how badly the voices match the faces, the attempts at delicious sighs "Hummm" and the way that the pretty actress never gets to say anything.
Thanks for your comments!
Comment by joebloggs
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
Fantastic heading
Great idea
Wonderful pictures, when are we having possum for dinner? is that allowed?
See you soon.
katyzzz
Good to hear about the success of the festival, I wanted to go but the friend I would go with didn't feel up to it ,perhaps next year. I would have loved the dogs, she's more into horticulture/
Comment by Stuart
Mediated
The french geezer is the only reason that show is tollerable.
I'm glad they got rid of the first host, major sleeze!
However the second one isn't much better, trying to marry off any single girl who dates set foot on the set
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
I didn't mind the Surfing the Menu with Curtis Stone and Ben O'Donoghue.
On the dislike side, I think Nigella Lawson is overrated and her 'sexiness' is a bit contrived
Comment by Little Angry Doll
Falling Haiku Leaf
Inner West Life
I don't dislike Nigella. I think the sexiness is certainly overdone, but I respect her motivation for healthy, good food, which came when her first husband was dying of throat cancer, as I understand it.
joebloggs - I'm with you
Katyzzz - there's always next year and we'll cook up some possum if you make it!
KylieW - I could probably dedicate a whole post to our love of Iron Chef!
Comment by suitably*wounded
Eternal Days; Author: Illness, M.
I <3 Mr. Brown. Or, at least his food.
Comment by Little Angry Doll
Falling Haiku Leaf
Inner West Life
I'm not sure if Alton is on over here. I looked him up on Wiki and he sounds very funny. I'll keep an eye out for him.
Comment by Johanna
PCOS Mum
I like the English show where the three chefs (one is an Aussie) have a cook-off, but the name eludes me right now.
I do like Jamie Oliver, but can see why you think he's pretentious. Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall is great too. How's that for an upper-class English name?
Comment by Joe Blogg
Joe Blogg's Blog
manchesterunited
collingwoodfootballclub
Don't care what she cooks, always 100% MILF worthy.
Prolly the best of the lot is a show the ABC run around 6pm some nights called The Cook & The Chef - good simple food from 2 perspectives, enjoyable banter&, most importantly of all, filmed without that freakin stupid camera work Oliver uses!
Comment by Little Angry Doll
Falling Haiku Leaf
Inner West Life
That's not the spoof Posh Nosh with Richard E Grant fighting with his wife is it? I've only see it once and it had me in hysterics.
Joe Blogg
What's "100% MILF"?
(I'm getting strong Jamie hate just seeing references to him)
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Johanna
PCOS Mum
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I loved this article... I can't really add to it because I don't catch much TV... but what comes to mind is that Hungarian Guy that used to be on Better HOmes and Gardens... he was Good category for me...
And amongst the ugly's I have to say Bert Newton when he "had a go" on his mornign show... yuk.
I always liked that Asian fellow; chef Toucan(spelling?) on the ABC with the choppy. choppy knives... he was entertaining!
Great Post,
...thanks for the entertainment...
Lilla...
Comment by MelissaA
Fun Facts
So I can only add my 2c worth on her behalf - she's quite particular to 'Ready, Steady, Cook', but she will watch any and all of them, good, bland or otherwise.
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Doonafairy
Rick Stein might be the fish guy Anon was talking about ...he's good and passionate without too much "tw*ttiness"
Comment by Little Angry Doll
Falling Haiku Leaf
Inner West Life
Lilla - thank you! You've always got a left of centre take that I love! I've never watched BHAG, but I like Hungarian cooking. Lots of spice!
Comment by Little Angry Doll
Falling Haiku Leaf
Inner West Life
Isn't Spewie just foul!!!
My partner - Soccer Dad - loves one Fish cook, whom he calls "Not The Gay Guy".
I've not watched him myself, but we're probably talking about the same person.
Comment by Little Angry Doll
Falling Haiku Leaf
Inner West Life
My big little one - nearly 4 - loves cooking shows. When I really need time out, all I have to do is give him an egg to look after for an hour or so.
He carries it around with loving anticipation towards the big Crack!
Thanks for stopping by!
Comment by MelissaA
Fun Facts
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