Little Angry DollMy Evil Bundle of Joy
October 24th 2006 03:18
You get asked a myriad of idiot questions when you have a new born.
“Was it an easy birth?” – Yes. I was disappointed that it wasn’t harder.
“Are you happy you had another boy?” – No, but we’re going to a swap meet next week.
“Isn’t he tiny?” – Yes. The Baby Bonsai classes were really worth the money.
“So, what have you been up to?” – You are an idiot, aren’t you?
My favourite has to be “Is he a good baby?”
No. He is evil. In fact, we have our suspicions that he’s a part of the Axis of Evil. We caught him trying to sell weapons grade plutonium to North Korea last week and suspect he has links to Al Qaeda.
Yes, I realise that idiot questions are well meaning and an enquiry about a good/bad baby has more to do with how the baby is sleeping and feeding, but I just like to mess with people.
I also get asked if I am happy.
My evil bundle of joy, Mr Goo, is four months old. We have our good days and our bad days. We have unsettled periods. We have delightful tickle time. We get frantic. We love our evening bath. We are at the first stage of “Sleeping Through” where we can get more than 4 but less than 7 hours each night. We go out most days. We love being in the courtyard. We giggle a lot. We smile together. We co-sleep.
And I’m using “we” because the newborn period is such an extension of pregnancy. The two of us are not entirely separate yet. If I’m having a bad day, so will he. If he is having a bad day, my heart aches for his tiny frustrations.
We talk to each other in our own special language, full of goos, burps and gentle caresses.
Am I happy? Never been happier in my life.
There is no good or bad. As Gertrude Stein said, “A rose is a rose is a rose”.
Right now, there is just baby, baby, baby. And for this so short time in both our lives, there is an inseparable us. And that time is already, gently, changing.
Mind you – it was the baby who vomited on the remote control.
“Was it an easy birth?” – Yes. I was disappointed that it wasn’t harder.
“Are you happy you had another boy?” – No, but we’re going to a swap meet next week.
“Isn’t he tiny?” – Yes. The Baby Bonsai classes were really worth the money.
“So, what have you been up to?” – You are an idiot, aren’t you?
My favourite has to be “Is he a good baby?”
No. He is evil. In fact, we have our suspicions that he’s a part of the Axis of Evil. We caught him trying to sell weapons grade plutonium to North Korea last week and suspect he has links to Al Qaeda.
Yes, I realise that idiot questions are well meaning and an enquiry about a good/bad baby has more to do with how the baby is sleeping and feeding, but I just like to mess with people.
I also get asked if I am happy.
My evil bundle of joy, Mr Goo, is four months old. We have our good days and our bad days. We have unsettled periods. We have delightful tickle time. We get frantic. We love our evening bath. We are at the first stage of “Sleeping Through” where we can get more than 4 but less than 7 hours each night. We go out most days. We love being in the courtyard. We giggle a lot. We smile together. We co-sleep.
And I’m using “we” because the newborn period is such an extension of pregnancy. The two of us are not entirely separate yet. If I’m having a bad day, so will he. If he is having a bad day, my heart aches for his tiny frustrations.
We talk to each other in our own special language, full of goos, burps and gentle caresses.
Am I happy? Never been happier in my life.
There is no good or bad. As Gertrude Stein said, “A rose is a rose is a rose”.
Mind you – it was the baby who vomited on the remote control.
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Comment by Deorre
Stress Alive
Man Lessons
Comment by Little Angry Doll
Falling Haiku Leaf
Inner West Life
Well, that would be an ouch question.
Comment by JoshZ
My mother (and extended family ) have all told me EXACTLY the kind of little jerk I was. I kicked, spat, bit, screamed and those were my good days.
Comment by Little Angry Doll
Falling Haiku Leaf
Inner West Life
I'm glad to hear there are other Evil Babies out there. Most parents will carry on about "what a joy" their little children were/are when everyone can still see the teeth marks.
Comment by Josh Z
Comment by Candice
What a beautiful description of you and your baby. Maybe you could recite that when asked the 'good baby' question - it'd certainly stop them in their tracks!
I too hate that question and get it all the time, even with an 18 month old. My answer to "Is/was she a good baby?" is always just a simple 'yes.' She was actually a terrible sleeper and feeding her was an ordeal for both of us. But it doesn't mean she was a 'bad' baby. There are no bad babies, or good babies.
My friend was asked the opposite question that's just as common: "Was he a difficult baby?" Her wonderful response was "No, he was just a baby."